Formations of Goals

I had been doing for the sake of doing the past year.

Now I will do with a clear vision and a truthful passion to sustain me.

I know I want to be an actress and Producer. Greater preference to film than theatre.

I also am very interested in Spirituality.

1)write 90minute film, produce it and film it, and star in it as well (of course).

2) mediation affirmation CDs with candles, crystals, and herb kits.

3) Affirmation, Goal setting, and extracting False belief instructional inspirational video.

One thing this past year has given me was confidence that I can do it myself, better than those who were employing me (with half ass standards )"trying to do it". Also it put me in contact with very helpful talented individuals: Lopez Williams, Big Foot Lee, B Heston, and a multitude of others. It also taught me that working with others on specific task can be mind blowing, but I for my over all objective I don't need to hold myself back for unqualified people to catch up. Work with others who can elevate me, or at the very least sustain and maintain at my level.

Thank you Lord for everything you've given me, how could I ever be blind to my countless blessings.

Inner Game of Tennis

SO I've been doing some reading. I saw my plans for action for acting wasn't working, so I decided to study success and the fundemental principals. I started by re-reading my book, "the ultimate secrets of self confidence", which inturn inspired me to re-visit this success blog and change my approach by documenting spiritual technique and basic principles, affirmations, visualizations, meditations, etc. During this time I discovered Jivamukti Yoga, which I really identify with and already see the bennefits, (all except with not eating meat, the (vegan thing-I tried) doesn't work well for me.)

Then I moved on to the Inner Game of Tennis and recieved an emphiphany. I am so focused on what I need to improve, focused on what I don't have and what I need, its such a habit of thinking for me I don't know how to escape it ...yet! but I need to just forget all this bull shit and do it, with what I already have and already know, their are plenty of less educated people out there who have less who are doing so much more. What is my DEAL!!? Stop focusing on what i need to fix: "all i have to do is fix that or change this or be more this" always trying. trying to be this something else that i view as better instead of just being, just doing, just having.

DAMN How many more years need to go by!!!

SO I threw the book down and got up and felt compelled to "do". I cleaned my kitchen and then went on a 15minute jog, ran to the bank and did some errands. Then I thought, its okay to learn more, and get better, and expand beyond where i am, BUT i need to acknowledge where I am and be thankful for that. And know That I have alot to offer, and focus on what I have, nurture that, and watch that grow. You water seeds that already are in the ground and watch those seeds grow and sprout and bloom, not patches of desolate land hoping something will turn up.

Not only do I have seeds in the ground already, but fully blossomed rose bushes, that just need some tending to and grooming.

I 'm waking up!

SO no more focusing on problems, weakness, and things I need and don't have. Now I'm being thankful for what I have, and focusing on that!!!

Visualization of Spiritual, artistic comunity

visualization of ownership & mutual effective partnership

visualization money

visualization Stylish comfortable wardrobe

visualization lucrative acting Career

visualizations Apartment

Decomposing False beliefs. Building Goals

I want

1) Stylish and comfortable wardrobe.

2)lucrative acting career

3)Nice Beautiful Private Spacious Apartment with all my amentities and needs

4)Money

5)Belong to a spiritual, artistic, cultural community

6) ownership of all that I'm involved in: career, home, money, life, community

Identifying False beliefs

1) Stylish and comfortable wardrobe.

-I'm not making enough money to purchase clothes*m

-I 'm not hip to what looks good*k

-All the clothes I want are so expensive*m

-Shoes and purses are expensive*m

- I dont have money to get my hair done, and it takes alot of energy to do it myself*m

(4Money & 1knowledge)

2)lucrative acting career

-There are still areas of my talent I need to work on*j

-I know I can do it, but I haven't done it yet so how can I be sure*k

-Its hard for me to access my natural ability when I'm nervous*j

-Its hard for me to be myself*j

-i dont know where to start*k

-I cant seem to get an agent*j/k

_I'm tired of doing work for free.*m/e

_I dont want to waste my time*t

_there is so much I need to learn*k

-I cant afford the classes I want, and the seminars I want, and the other materials I need*m

_I'm tired*e

(2energy,1time,4knowlegde,2money,4 judgement)

3)Nice Beautiful Private Spacious Apartment with all my amentities and needs

_I cant afford a new apartment*m

-the kinds of places cost so much money*m

-I cant afford to live by myself*m

-im tired of roomates*e

-i need aplace i can just be myself and have things as I want it*j

-I dont want to move from my area*k

I dont want to move far away from Lopez*t

(3money& 1energy& 1 judgement, 1 knowledge, 1 time)

4)Money

-I m not good with money*j

_to have money is to not have time*t

-i cant afford to wast time*t

-i dont want to spend my life doing what i dont want to do*F

-I want freedom*f

I want to be free*f

-Im mad at myself for wasting my money*m

-this job does not pay enough at all*m

-I hate living check to check*m

-I'm so stressed and so short on time*t

(1judgement, 3time, 3 freedom, 3 money)

5)Belong to a spiritual, artistic, cultural community

-I havent found the right fit for me.*K

-I dont seem to fit well with a lot of people*J

_i dont like feeling judged*J

-I dont feel i can afford to participate*M

-i m tired*E

-I dont know enough about any of these groups*K

-I just want to be free*F

(2knowledge,2judgement, 1 money, 1 energy, 1 freedom)

6) ownership of all that I'm involved in: career, home, money, life, community

_I feel oppresed and repressed*J/F

_i feel judged*J

-O feel i dont have control*F

-I feel wasteful*F

-I have alot of great ideas but i'm fearful* F

_I wish i could be free*F

_ I dont know where to start.K

_i need help and support.*K

(2judgement,5 freedom, 2 knowledge)

Decomposing False Beliefs & creating Affirmations

1)I cant afford, I dont have enough.Everything is too expensive. *13

-God has always taken care of me. I have a supportive family that are willing to give.

-I have the intelligence and talent to get what i need

-with patience anything is possible

• I prosper wherever I turn and I know that I deserve prosperity of all kinds
• The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful
• I pay my bills with love as I know abundance flows freely through me.

2) I dont have freedom*9

-God has given me free will and with that I can do what ever I want.

-I am my own boss, I have complete control over everything I do and say.

-No one can tell me what to do, they can only suggest. I have the final say in everything

-Ii is irrelevant what others want, only what I want really plays a significant role in my life.

3) I feel judged*10

-My opinion is the only opinion that should really matter to me.

-I am only concerned with pleasing my self, and attending to my needs.

-I am a special unique person and thats what I love about me.

-God made me, there fore I am, I have every right to be here doing whatever.

• When I believe in myself, so do others
• I express my needs and feelings
• I am my own unique self - special, creative and wonderful

4)I dont know where to start. I don't know enough.*10

-I know enough to get me from A to B

-I have many experiences that make me interesting and add to my learnings

-I am aware and open to learning on a daily basis

-Experienceis the best teacher, all i can do, is jump in and do it.

-I am bold, I am ready, I am here, and I belong.

5)Im tired.*4

-I am using my energy wisely.

-I am renewed.

-I have let go of my past so that I can now stand using my energy for the ever present now.

• Life is a joy filled with delightful surprises
• My life is a joy filled with love, fun and friendship all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open.
• I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

6)I'm dont want to wast time. *5

-God is forever giving opportunities, and I am open to recieve them

-The only time is now.

-I forgive my self for the my past and I am open and ready for the now

• All my relationships are loving and harmonious
• I am at peace
• I trust in the process of life
• 
  

New Belief & Attitude

The Transmutation

1) There are no limits to what I can have, live, and enjoy from life.

2) I release my self unto the world so that I may enjoy ultimate freedom and spontaniety.

3) I love myself and that is the only thing that matters

4) I have and know everything I need to know for right now. I am ready for life.

5) I have destroyed energy consumers and have renewed myself. I am full of life.

6) The only time that matters is now. Timing has never been so perfect.

Now!!! I feel much better. That was along tedious process but I feel better. Now I can destroy the habits of negative thinking by replacing them with these affirmations.

Stay tuned for the new results of my life.

PS. After years of reprograming my thoughts, ideas, knowledge of Love i have finally found!!! LOVE!!

Lopez is the most wonderful lover, friend, and companion. I am truely blessed. He gets me through my darkest hours and shine light on my cloudy days. I love him and am in love with him. I never knew love could feel this good. For the first time...me and love are friends.

_

Where Am I?

Here I am, just turned 25, and I have all these failed plans and dreams and ideas that just don't seem to be able to connect to reality. My biggest accomplishment in the last couple of years has been graduating from NYU. I've always been a phenomenal actress, song writer, creative individual, but my potential doesnt seem to be at the present moment making it past "potential".

I've been so blessed and yet so blind, that I haven't been able to capitalize on my blessings and resources. I feel like a chef, having the the best of ingredients, best of tools, and kitchen amenities but I cant seem to make up my mind on what to make or I dont have any recipes to use. Either way, my problems are becoming clearer, but no solutions in sight, or there are solutions but I cant seem to effectively implement them.

Realizing that my family and my boyfriend are the people who care the most about me, I am extremely blessed. I had money that I invested in myself, but the return has not yielded. Now I feel without. Really even when I had money I was stressed and not happy, and worried about losing it.

At the end of the day, I want to be happy. I want to be successful at whatever it is I do. I worry about the future but dont live for the now. or I live only for the now and the future seems unstable. I need balance in my life.

Spirituality, it all talks of positivity, and visualizations and affirmations, and I dont know what I'm doing i feel as though im trying but i just seem to be scratching the surface.

Change.

Change .

Change.

I need it more so now than ever. I have no idea what will be. but I cant afford to live this life Im living, and I am increasingly worsening, withdrawing deeper and deeper inside myself. Becoming so up tight , and "responsible" I cant seem to enjoy myself.

Part of it is people but most of it is my self.

I need to change the parts that dont work, which essentially aren't me and should drop away.

For the longest time I've conditioned myself to be a people pleaser and approval seeker, so desperately wanting to be liked. But as I look around my life, liked as I might be to what cost.

The cost of my happiness, the cost of my self respect, and the respect of others, the cost in which nothing seems to manifest itself the way i want it. I've talked my self into being happy. i am not happy.

My family. My Boyfriend. Two things i can count on, which add to my happiness.

But I cant rely on others. I have to be happy within . what can I get. What do I want?